Keep the door open
A video about how we relate to one another during conflict.
The Illustrating Therapist · 29 minutes
Suggested reading
The Body Keeps the ScoreBessel van der Kolk: trauma and its effects on the mind and body.
Trauma
In an Unspoken VoicePeter A. Levine: understanding how the body responds to trauma and the process of healing.
Trauma
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsLindsay C. Gibson: understanding the effects of emotionally unavailable parents and finding your own way forward.
Trauma
MindsightDan Siegel: understanding your mind and emotions.
Understanding emotions
UsTerry Real: working through difficulties as a couple.
Couples
Secure LoveJulie Menanno: understanding attachment and building a more secure relationship.
Couples
Facing CodependencePia Mellody: codependence, boundaries, and self-worth.
Recovery
Resources for couples
The feedback wheel
Choose one experience to talk about and take turns sharing:
- What happened: what you saw or heard.
- What I thought it meant: how you understood it.
- How I felt: the feelings that came up for you.
- What I'd like: a specific request for the future.
As you listen, try to understand your partner's experience, even if you remember things differently.
From Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy.
Taking a break during an argument
- Choose a word or gesture to signal a pause.
- Let your partner know when you need a break.
- Respect the pause, even when you have more to say.
- Give each other some time apart.
- Agree on a time to return, and keep that agreement.
A break is easier to take when you both know you will come back to the conversation.
Recovery and support groups
These groups offer connection with others who share the experience of recovery, including support for families and partners.
Alcoholics AnonymousMeeting finder, in person and online, worldwide.
aa.org →
Narcotics AnonymousMeeting search by location and format.
na.org →
Al-AnonSupport for the families and partners of people with a drinking problem.
al-anon.org →
SMART RecoveryA recovery program that teaches practical skills and does not use the 12-step model.
smartrecovery.org →
Overeaters AnonymousSupport for people struggling with compulsive eating.
oa.org →
Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACoA)
Support for adults who grew up with alcoholism or other family dysfunction.Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
Peer support for people recovering from sex and love addiction.Eating Disorders Anonymous (EDA)
Peer support for people recovering from eating disorders.In a crisis
988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineCall or text 988, any hour. Free and available across the United States.
Call or text 988 →
Crisis Text LineText HOME to 741741 to reach a trained crisis counselor by message.
Text HOME to 741741 →
Emergency servicesCall 911, or go to your nearest emergency room, if you or someone else is in immediate danger.
Call 911 →